Buy them flowers

I was at work and my personal phone rang. It was a call we had been waiting for. We hoped it would not come but knew it was inevitable, at some point. You see, that’s how pancreatic cancer ends - with the family making phone calls informing loved ones that they’re gone. In most cases, it is diagnosed late so only 25% of patients live a year after their diagnosis and just 5% live for five years. We got six months and he lived longer than expected, so we were lucky.

I took the rest of the day off and decided I needed to do something positive. My husband was due home the next day and we had missed his birthday because he was away with work. I needed to get some last-minute treats for the little celebration so decided to do that, giving my brother a lift so he could also do some shopping. As we were chatting, my brother commented, “statistically, for most men, the first time they’re bought flowers is at their funeral.”

***

That stuck with me. Needless to say, when Dane returned home there were flowers waiting for him.

I knew he wouldn’t get it. He’s spoken before about how when we gift flowers we’re gifting something that is already dying.

He walked in and I said, “the flowers are part of your gifts.” He looked a bit perplexed, so I continued “statistically most men are bought flowers for the first time at their funeral and I didn’t want you to be part of that statistic.”

He didn’t say anything at that point, just gave me a hug.

He did, however, later ask me what he needed to do to make the dead things die slower.

***

We had the memorial service for our friend. The church was full to bursting, and 350+ more were watching the broadcast from all over the world. I was listening to the talks, the music, the memories, and in my head, I was wondering over and over ‘did anyone give him flowers?’ This young man who loved nature and loved the world, was he part of this statistic?

At the same time, my newsfeed is full of the men in Ukraine saying goodbye to their loved ones fleeing the country while they stay and fight. Did they receive flowers? Or will they be part of this statistic?

It might seem like an insignificant thing, but I can’t help feeling that this statistic needs to change. I don’t want it to apply to any men that I know. Buying a bunch of flowers is such a simple thing.

I hope we all have men that we’re grateful are in our lives.

Please, buy them flowers.