Finding Your 'Why'

Blogging every day in May has been more of a struggle than I expected. I started off well, with a week of scheduled posts giving me some leeway to write for the following weeks. As each day passed I struggled to come up with new ideas. It got to the point that each night I would have the same conversation with My Handsome Man - an 'I'm lacking ideas' conversation, 'I don't know what to write about...'. This isn't what blogging should be like. Yes there are times when writer's block sets in, but I've felt this way for a while. Occasionally I'll come up with an idea and write a post I'm really proud of, but the majority of the time I feel like I'm fishing for ideas, hoping that an idea will come and slap me in the face.

I realised the problem is that I am unfocused. I don't know why I blog. I have my tagline "tell your story", which is the basic reason why, but it doesn't go deep enough. It's the 'safe', 'socially acceptable' reason behind why I blog.

Abraham Maslow said:

In any given moment we have two options: to step forward into growth or to step back into safety.

I think I keep stepping back into safety because I don't know why I want to step forward. I don't know which direction I am going in.

I recently attended a class (completely unrelated to blogging) which looked at Maslow's hierarchy of needs. The class looked at setting goals and how if we don't know our 'why', it means we will be off by a few degrees, which at the beginning of the path doesn't feel like much, but at the end of the journey we don't end up where we wanted, or expected to be.

I realised that the process we used in the class can be applied to my blog and helping me find my 'why' for Abzi's Story. So using pen and paper I went through the process:

Why do you blog?

Step 1

We normally answer this question 'because I...' and the answer is normally what we're comfortable with sharing publicly, it's our elevator pitch or our bumper sticker. It's not our real 'why'.

Some people stop here and think this 'why' is enough. This is where I have been up until now.

Why do I blog?

I blog because I want to encourage others to tell their stories.

Step 2

Look at the answer to question 1. Why is that important to you? Answer this question 'Because I think...'

In this step you justify your answer to Step 1 and you're opening the doorway to accessing the emotions behind blogging.

Why is that important to you?

Because I think our stories should be recorded. It gives our lives meaning and helps us feel of worth.

Step 3

We need to go deeper still. Look at your answer to question 2. Why is that important to you? Answer this question 'Because I believe...'

The "I" in each of these answers is really important. Your 'why' is about you. It doesn't matter whether your beliefs are the same as the next person. Our beliefs influence our actions. Knowing your beliefs about your 'why' will help you gain a clearer insight into the choices you make on a daily basis in relation to your blog.

Why is that important to you?

Because I believe our stories make us who we are and knowing our family history creates stronger, closer families.

Step 4

How did you come to know these things? Answer this question 'Because I know...'

Our beliefs are shaped by our most influential experiences, and so is our 'why'. In most cases our 'why' and our most influential experiences are directly associated with our deepest, unmet need/s.

For example, in this post I wrote about why photographs mean so much to me and it's because there are very few photos of my childhood in comparison to my brothers'. Again I feel the need to reiterate that I don't blame my parents for this; I blame the broken camera and the cost of a replacement in those days. It was just unfortunate that I was the child to grow up interested in photography.

Writing about our unmet need/s is the point where emotion connects us to our 'why'. As you come to the realisation of your 'why', it should elicit an emotional response - whether that's tears prickling your eyes or streaming down your cheeks. The emotional response is the sign that you've moved from the neocortex level of the brain, which deals with planning and goal setting, to the limbic brain, which deals with emotions. By connecting these two areas you have gone deep enough to find your true 'why'.

How did you come to know these things?

Because I know the looks on the faces of children who have their lives documented. I know the love that comes from being connected to extended family. I know the quality time spent together documenting our stories.

As you look back through your answers to each question, circle or underline the words that stand out to you. For me these were:

• feel of worth
• documented
• love
• connected
• quality time

Before I continue, I want to say that I have an amazing family who have shown me love, spent time with me and made me feel of worth. But I also recognise where this "unmet need" comes from. My Dad's Mum, my Granny Laura, died before I was born. Ever since I was a little girl, I have felt weirdly close to this woman I don't know. I have had people tell me how like her I am. I think because I missed out on this relationship with her, I have wanted to develop as close a relationship as I can to my other extended family. I want to know as much about her and other members of my family as I can find out. I want our stories recorded so that future generations can know us.

What is my 'why'?

The next step is to work those words and feelings into a succinct sentence that doesn't result in you crying every time you're asked to explain why you blog!

I blog to encourage others to document their stories and to develop stronger relationships with family members as they spend quality time together connecting with each other.

How does this help me know what to write about?

Before when brainstorming ideas for my blog, I would focus on family history, recording our stories and my own story. Now I have more topics to brainstorm which are all one hundred percent connected to my 'why'. Writing about these subjects will help me focus my posts to create a blog I am proud of and that really reflects the things I treasure.

Our 'why' changes over time as needs are met. When I next get to the point where I'm feeling lost blogging, I plan to repeat this exercise to keep me in tune with my emotional focus.